“If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
In my utter joy that I had my friend back, I never stopped to think of the implications. We have changed so much; perhaps we are the same, just that we are seeing each other truly for the first time. It was so easy to pretend that everything was back the way it was. But it isnt, really. I feel like there is a crack between us and no matter how much we try we can’t mend it.
I spent an afternoon with you and all I could see were the imperfections. How you try so hard to be Indian. How you try to embrace my culture…and yet you still don’t understand me. Being part of a family and respecting their wishes isn’t being weak. It’s a sign of my character that I am able to place someone’s opinion above mine if I feel that they are right. You expected me to simply think of your welfare without giving regards and respect to the people who have taken time off and spent countless amount of money on me. People who continued to love me when you were gone.
You told you had forgiven me. Beg your pardon, sir? You had to forgive me? What was the great crime that I committed? What about you who badmouthed my cousin when he took much risk in meeting you during his office hours? You never mentioned a single apology to him.
Somehow, you managed to make this all my fault.
It just feels artificial now…the “relationship” we have. It’s just not the same. And frankly can 5 people whom I trust with my life be wrong at the same time?
I have come into my own while you were away. I have made new friends. I have become nicer in general. Perhaps you were the venom I needed in the past…but now that I have had the tastes of honey I don’t need you anymore. See in the past, I felt like I needed you. That’s why I wanted you back. We spent so much time together, when you left, I was lost. But now, I relish the fact that you hold no such power over me. I could leave you and never look back. I have people who love me for me. They don’t begrudge the fact that I love my family. They don’t mind me having other friends who are just as important to me.
I don’t think I can see you as the friend you were before we left for India. You were right-India has changed you. But perhaps it has changed me more.
I have someone who loves me now. And when I look back, what we had was never love. Perhaps, it’s time for me to stop trying to mend what was broken. They say that love is blind but friendship closes its eyes. Unfortunately for us my friend, my eyes have been opened now.
When you can’t sleep at night and you are reading back all your old diary entries.