05 August 2013. 6.19pm. I switch off my laptop, complete my ritual of taking a piss before leaving the office. This was it. I wouldn’t be coming back for work the next day.
I was free.
Fast forward 3 weeks; its 26 August. 5.18pm. I am lying on my bed typing away (trying to at least, the only constant is Maroon 5 playing in the background) on my laptop. I just took a piss and finished off 2 mini mars bars.
I am putting on weight.
The truth of the matter is, the last few weeks have fallen short of my expectations. Finally after 5 years, I was going to have a break. I would wake up early every morning. Hit the gym, stroll the city, visit the library and catch up on readings that I had put off in the past, catch up with old friends, learn new things; life was going to be a wonderful adventure once again!
But somehow like Alice tumbling down the confusing tunnel, I fell downwards too. While she found Wonderland, I found that I could go 3 days without changing my teeshirt. I had lost my drive, my motivation somewhere along the way. I no longer had a purpose to get up every morning. There was so much I wanted to get done, articles I had ideas for in my head but never really got around to putting pen to paper.
I was talking to a friend few days ago; he is also currently not working at the moment and we commiserated about how we felt lethargic most days. Turns out both of us had been workaholics and now that we were no longer working, we just felt tired and sick most days. The irony of the situation is that I thought I felt I would feel better not working for a while, but it turns out, I need to be working in order to feel alive.
I can feel myself changing now. I woke up today and I knew something had shifted inside of me. Something has clicked into place. I am not sure why this happened, but I guess I had gotten tired of feeling like a bum.
I once again feel the need to dominate the world.
I shall begin by rolling out of bed and changing out of my pyjamas!