Bouncing back from failures (Part 1)

Day 1: Dreamer Vs Builder

Personally, I am a dreamer by nature. I am easily excited by the prospect of new ideas and new problems to solve. The ideation process that leads to the solution can keep me up for nights until I have cracked it. But the issue occurs during implementation: I find myself getting caught up in other new problems, to see through till the end for the current problem.

I am not alone in this. Many if us face the same issue of getting distracted and not finishing up the loose ends of our projects. So how can we improve on this?

I have found that breaking a singular goal into smaller actionable tasks allows me to quickly work towards something and more importantly achieve it. The satisfaction I get from finishing it, spurs me on to the next goal lined up!

Day 2: Appreciation

Do we take the time to appreciate the work that our colleagues do everyday?
We have a tendency to get caught up in our own rat race that we don’t realize the amount of work on our team mates’ plate.
So today (and forever more) show your appreciation to your team. Your company won’t exist without the people in it, working their asses off to build the greatest version of your product.

Day 3: What has happened to Passion?

When did we stop being passionate? When did it become uncool to have passion? Yes, it is a much easier way to live life, showing everyone how much you don’t care about an outcome; whether you win or lose, you remain unaffected. But are we really living, when we remain in this state of ennui?

As someone who has been called “energiser bunny on steroids”, I know how much more colourful and exciting life is when you live it passionately. So go out there and shout your excitement about a falling star, or whatever it is that makes your heart sing!

I leave you with this quote from a wordsmith and all round panty-drop causer (Tom Hiddleston) who said the following during one of his interviews and I have taken the words to heart.

“I gave myself permission to care because there are lot of ppl in this world who are afraid of caring or afraid of showing that they care; because its uncool, it’s uncool to have passion. It’s so much easier to lose when you show everyone how much you don’t care if you win or lose. It’s much harder to lose when you show that you care. But you will never win unless you also stand to lose. Basically, don’t be afraid of your passion, give it free reign and be honest. work hard and it will all turn out fine. We all have 2 lives, the second begins when you realise you only have one.”

Day 4: Stop drowning!

There will be times when it feels like you are drowning in a swamp, be it in your personal life, or in professional life when you are working on projects.
Take 3 steps back, take deep breaths, and think of the following:
– Figure out what you are looking for (aka The Compass)
– Once you know what you are looking for, it becomes easier to identify how to get there (aka The Map).
– More importantly, you can identify when you have reached your milestones (aka The Treasure).

Day 5: Feedbacks

Suddenly you find your heart beating just a tad faster, your palms slightly sweatier. But why do we get nervous when we think about someone giving us feedback? What are the thoughts going through your head just before you meet someone for a feedback session? Do you hear doubts and thoughts of “they hate it. They are probably gonna say, you suck!”
I have found that if you separate your sense of ego before your feedback session and simply approach it with a desire to learn from the session, you benefit much more from that interaction. Also the voice that you hear in your head is a projection of your own insecurities, and if you can identify them, you can stop yourself from projecting them onto your critic.

Just remember that if someone is actually taking their time to give you constructive feedback, it means that they genuinely care about the issue that you are talking about.

So listen, don’t take things personally, learn, grow. Become better.

Day 6: Embrace change.

Change can terrify us. Because you never know what the outcome could be. You can choose to hide and stay stuck in the present state or you can choose to go charging into the new unknown, soul blazing. You will either fail or you will emerge triumphant. Either way, you know you have given it your best shot. Either way, you will come out of this changed. Transformed.

Day 7: Never assume!

We tend to make assumptions about things in our life. That’s normal. It’s easier to make quick decisions based on our past experiences or knowledge that we gained than having to pay attention and figure things out. But we can make mistakes when we assume. Some mistakes are more costly than others.

For example, I assumed that my hair stylist would charge the market rate but I was dead wrong. Ended up paying 500+ for my hair treatment. All because I didn’t ask, based on an assumption.
So painful lesson here: Never make assumptions!

#30BouncingBackDays is dedicated to discussing failures and how we can bounce back from them. Every week, a collated list will be posted. Share your stories in the comment section!

“Slap her”: Fanpage.it video objectifies girls, exploits boys, and trivializes domestic violence

Originally posted on Dr. Rebecca Hains:

A new anti-domestic-violence video created by the Facebook page Fanpage.it is being widely shared because people find it heartwarming and touching.

I find it sickening.

The video’s description asks, “What happens when you put a boy in front of a girl and ask him to slap her? Here is how children react to the subject of violence against women.”

Fanpage.it: What's your name?As the video begins, it seems promising. An off-camera male voice asks five charming young boys questions, one at a time:

  • “What’s your name?”
  • “How old are you”
  • “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
  • “Why?”

Thanks to this line of questioning, each boy is brought to life for the viewer. With a range of personal demeanors and interests, it’s easy for viewers to see each boy as a unique and lovely individual.

Then, each boy is visibly surprised when a tall, blonde, conventionally beautiful young girl joins them in front of the camera…

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TV Time: Once Upon a Time 4.09

inksplati:

Such a beautiful recap and insights into the characters. Waiting for the reunion. So many heartbreaking scenes in this episode.

Originally posted on Nerdy Girl Notes:

JENNIFER MORRISON

Title Fall

Two-Sentence Summary As the Spell of Shattered Sight looms in the distance, the residents of Storybrooke prepare for the worst. Even a happy reunion between Anna and Elsa can’t stop it, especially after Rumplestiltskin orders Hook to trap the fairies (who were working on a counter-spell) in the sorcerer’s hat.

Favorite Line “Well if the mayor only has to worry about one villain—and it’s herself—that frees up a lot of time for infrastructure and other issues.” (Snow)

My Thoughts When Once Upon a Time is driven by pure emotion, there’s nothing else on television that makes me feel like this show. “Fall” was basically a series of deeply emotional moments strung together by some very small (but significant) points of plot progression, and sometimes that’s exactly what this show needs—to take a step back from breathless plotting and twists and simply allow these characters time to open their…

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Tu veux ou tu veux pas (Or how I am not sure what the hell is going on anymore.)

It’s 2.01am in the morning and I can’t sleep.

My insides churn, like relentless waves crashing against the shore on a stormy night. My tears are stuck in my throat, and my breath comes out in sharp gasps, a drowning man aching for oxygen as he drowns.

I keep thinking what I could have done differently: told you the truth, called you earlier to tell you everything was okay? Perhaps right at this very moment, we could have been sharing laughs over a bottle of wine as we reminisced about how over the past two years we have been playing a long game of “does she? does he not?”

Instead, I am alone in my bed staring at my phone and I see your whatsapp profile looking back at me, empty.

I just feel so alone you know? For a second on Saturday morning as we murmured our feelings to one another, I dared to hope that I had an ally who would have my back. Someone that I could trust completely. Never have I ever dared to dream that that would be possible for someone like me.

There you were, fingers tender as you pushed my hair behind my ear and you whispered “I have always liked you.”

My heart stopped in that instant. I am not sure if you realised it though. I laughed off your comment. “Why would you like me? I am crazy!”

Then I say out loud a secret I have never told you, “I like you too,you know.”

You chuckle at that moment and proceed to tell me that you have known that I liked you. I am not sure why, but in that moment, I feel the need to protect my obvious lack of acting skills of pretending that I am not affected by you.

“Oh! But I so got over you in two months.” Lies. I am not over you.

(And probably never will be. A part of me will always remember you as the guy who made me realise that I am capable of feeling greatly about someone who happens to be one of the nicest, and most hardworking person I have come across in my life. It was always the little things you did that made me care about you.)

But for the rest of the night, it was soft cuddles and crazy talks, the kind that comes about when you are buzzed on cognac and life in general.

(I have never been that good at letting go. So I am not sure how to let you go. You have become woven into my tapestry of life, that I can cannot find the thread of where you begin or end. You have become a part of me and perhaps it will always be that way, your thoughts and actions rippling through various facets of my life.)

I am confused because we can’t seem to be honest with one another and we keep playing these games. Usually I am all for games but right now all I want is the naked truth.

No frills. No fuss. Just get straight to the point.

Tu veux ou tu veux pas?

My cab driver shares his tragic state of love affair.

This is a story about love.

I was taking a cab to Pasir Ris Mrt after a wonderful lunch at a friend’s home when the conversation with the uncle turned to his Love life when I asked him how his day has been so far.

Turns out he was madly in love with a lady who was just too afraid of being together because of her complicated past. She has been separated from her husband for many years and has been living her life as widow with her three daughters. She is too afraid of what her children or society would say if she got married again at her advanced age.

He reminisces about the beginning stages of their relationship when she would be okay with kisses in dark alleys but today when they go out for lunch or dinner she would walk ahead of him so people wouldn’t know they are together.

“I love her alot. I don’t know how much longer I can live this way. But I love her too much to leave now. I gave her my word. I just wish she would live for herself instead of worrying what others thought of her.”

I sniffle a little and he hears me, and somehow he ends up comforting me, “I have been alone for so long, it is ok!”

I really hope things work out for him.

Cos you see, finding love in this disconnected world is so rare that when you get it, you should latch onto it as hard you can and fight to keep it alive. I think there can be nothing greater than to love someone and know that you are loved in return.

Sleep and the Teenage Brain | Brain Pickings

Biology’s cruel joke goes something like this: As a teenage body goes through puberty, its circadian rhythm essentially shifts three hours backward. Suddenly, going to bed at nine or ten o’clock at night isn’t just a drag, but close to a biological impossibility. Studies of teenagers around the globe have found that adolescent brains do not start releasing melatonin until around eleven o’clock at night and keep pumping out the hormone well past sunrise. Adults, meanwhile, have little-to-no melatonin in their bodies when they wake up. With all that melatonin surging through their bloodstream, teenagers who are forced to be awake before eight in the morning are often barely alert and want nothing more than to give in to their body’s demands and fall back asleep. Because of the shift in their circadian rhythm, asking a teenager to perform well in a classroom during the early morning is like asking him or her to fly across the country and instantly adjust to the new time zone — and then do the same thing every night, for four years.

via Sleep and the Teenage Brain | Brain Pickings.

A “Dynamic Interaction”: Leo Buscaglia on Why Love Is a Learned Language | Brain Pickings

Most of us never learn to love at all. We play at love, imitate lovers, treat love as a game. Is it any wonder so many of us are dying of loneliness, feel anxious and unfulfilled, even in seemingly close relationships, and are always looking elsewhere for something more which we feel must certainly be there? “Is that all there is?” the song asks.There is something else. It’s simply this — the limitless potential of love within each person eager to be recognized, waiting to be developed, learning to grow.It’s never too late to learn anything for which you have a potential. If you want to learn to love, then you must start the process of finding out what it is, what qualities make up a loving person and how these are developed. Each person has the potential for love. But potential is never realized without work. This does not mean pain. Love, especially, is learned best in wonder, in joy, in peace, in living.

via A “Dynamic Interaction”: Leo Buscaglia on Why Love Is a Learned Language | Brain Pickings.